MY GLOOMY THOUGHTS
* A short narrative novel based on multiple true encounters. Dive into the series of thoughts of a young woman sharing how her mind works. From childhood into becoming a grown woman, in no particular order, she lays out thoughts which are relatable to anyone going through life *
CHAPTER 2
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My thoughts are overwhelmed, too crowded to point anything out. I love to lay in my depression from being set aside as not being a priority and that's okay, I mean, why expect so much. It's a cycle, we do it to others unconsciously and consciously and then it comes right back. I take the time to reminisce in my imaginations, getting lost in a space of endless self love with a little taste of insecurity and sadness. As I listened to Jorja Smith's Don't Watch Me Cry, in my head, it was perfect. I was the strongest emotional being alive and I didn't care but my pillow was soaked with my tears. Very relieving to let that happen in the walls of my room where only the shadows can see me and then I wake up the next day to be a pillar to others.
No one gets the torture of what haunts you, traps you in ultraviolet, and the battles you face getting out and back to your feet like nothing ever happened. It's this silent pain I breed strength from, to pray for and help others. I know a lot of them painted a perfect picture about me, the girl who has everything put together and figured out. I wish they saw the rejected alien I am, lost and helpless, making pretty much the same mistakes a thousand times, struggling to fake a smile and be an encouraging soul. Trapped in my own mess,not knowing my left from right, disorganized and alone. Overwhelmed by life and filled with suicidal thoughts, but still finding the weirdest reasons to move on and keep going.
I'm a fiction of my own imagination, I live there all day and act like nothing else matters, no one else exists, it's my own virtual reality. That place is soothing, it's my perfect therapy, with my headphones plugged in, everything spins in a globe. I control the world in my little bubble, unbothered, losing track of time, in an endless space of opportunities without boundaries.
Sometimes I tap into a super power of my detective instincts, I see and hear who likes me and who doesn't. It's weird but therapeutic to know these kind of information, it helps me know how to put more of my guard up and my shell is always ready to receive me in at any time.
I don't know how to forgive or forget but I learn how to and then go back to the same spot. But believe me it's draining to be bitter always, I only live with the memories cause I can't forget the smallest details.
Back to my circle, I slowly learn the hard way how to cut off the unnecessary and categorize the beings in my space. It's all I need for my peace and sanity. In all, I chant my prayers over their souls, for everything good under the sun because life is unpredictable and death is inevitable.
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STAY TUNED FOR CHAPTER 3!!!
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